August
24th - 30th

Dear Alice,

A friend wants to wear a cocktail dress to a black tie wedding. I think this is really rude. She thinks who cares? What do you think?

Signed, Outraged

Dear Outraged,

Your friend sounds young. She may not fully understand the difference between the terms “cocktail” and “black tie”. Her obstinance may be a protective factor, can she afford a new dress? If this person isn’t your plus one, leave it alone and she will learn what a breach of etiquette looks like once she arrives at the wedding. If she is your date, maybe take a trip to the mall and have a fun day of trying on some gowns or help her find one she can borrow. She will thank you.

Dear Alice,

I have a friend who I confide in about my personal life (ie: my boyfriend) and she shares what we talk about with her boyfriend. I can ask her to not repeat any info I tell her, but what should the standard be?

Signed, Private Person

Dear Private Person,

The standard is that people share private info they hear throughout the day with their partners. The problem lies with your friend’s boyfriend, sounds like he’s a real busy body. Her boyfriend’s need to let it be known that he’s been filled in about your private life makes it impossible for you to trust telling your friend anything without the caveat of “please don’t repeat this to ANYONE”. Maybe instead of complaining about YOUR boyfriend to your friend, complain to her about HER’S!!!!

Dear Alice,

I moved to NYC from LA for a six month job (I am the boss and female). Several men have hit on me at work, I actually find it flattering but I am both married and wouldn’t get involved with someone at work, especially someone who is my subordinate. How do I let these guys down without causing too much of a stir?
Signed, I Still Got It!

Dear I Still Got It!,

Well, good for you for still having it. I am sure it gets exhausting to have to do your job and also be hyper aware of all the men around you and how your personality could be misleading them in some way. Why can’t a woman be hot and bubbly and a great boss and at the same time not have to worry about advances from her staff? You have a few options. You could tell each guy individually that you are flattered, but not interested. I am sure you wear your wedding ring so telling them you are married isn’t necessary, they don’t care. You could speak with the hiring director about their training practices around work conduct. Or, you could go back to LA where men are scared of beautiful women.

August
17th - 23rd

Dear Alice,

I need some tipping etiquette updates for today's society. Who am I tipping? And how much? Are hair stylists still 20%? Is the barista making more money than I am and I should still tip them? Do I tip if I just buy a pastry? A drip? How much? I need parameters! I feel like I'm just randomly throwing money at people...

Signed, At My Tipping Point

Dear At My Tipping Point,

My father was always outraged by tipping - when he would take me out to dinner, I would bring some cash and add to his paltry tip when he wasn’t looking. It sucks, but we are a tipping society. And that barista is depending on tips. If the barista is making more money than you it’s possible you are overspending and should make your coffee at home. Are you familiar with the concept of “Paying Ourself First”? Tip yourself at least 10% before you pay for anything; your bills, coffee, EVERYTHING. If service is good, 18%-20% is standard tip across the board (valet and drinks at a bar are a few bucks, house keeping at a hotel $5). If your service sucks, I am all for under tipping. If you buy a pastry at the counter you do NOT have to tip, but maybe leave the spare change from the transaction. Ever think about moving to Europe (although the taxes might piss you off)??? Throughline has a great podcast about tipping if you want to understand the history of it all listen here.

Dear Alice,

I love tattoos. I'm turning 50 next month. At what point do I need to give up on my soon to be sagging skin and stop with the ink?

Signed, To Ink or Not to Ink

Dear To Ink or Not to Ink,

Some good news, modern tattoos are typically more pigment dense and have superior ink than the ones you got 30 years ago so even with older skin they will age better than the first round of ink you got from that back alley on East Colfax in Denver (wait, that was ME!). I’d say, don’t give up something you love, but maybe check in with a partner or trusted friend to make sure you aren’t going too far. Sagging means you are lucky enough to reach a saggy age! Just make sure to find a tattoo artist that knows how to work with thinner skin.

Dear Alice,

I have an old friend whom I like very much. She is very smart and kind, but once she starts talking, which is always, she never stops. You can interrupt her for a moment but then she starts again, and she can veer from one topic to another at the drop of her hat. When she calls, I either don’t answer or know I will be on the phone with her for at least half an hour, and saying “I have to go no” doesn’t mean she will get off the phone. This is making me not want to hang out with her, and her other friends feel the same way. What can we do?

Signed Hearing Impaired

Dear Hearing Impaired,

Sounds like your friend suffers from some sort of social anxiety. I’d stop seeing her one-on-one, just keep it to group settings. Be willing to hug, say hello (speak very slowly and calmly when it’s your turn to speak - maybe she will catch on and mirror you), catch up for a bit and then move on. If it’s a sit down dinner make sure to put her next to some unsuspecting fool, and certainly not YOU.

August
10th - 16th

Dear Alice,

What is your take on "quiet quitting"? My job is no longer satisfying and I am trying to wrap my head around the concept of quiet quitting.

Signed Not Really a Quitter

Dear Not Really a Quitter,

If you are a literal person you may be turned off by the phrase “quiet quitting” but in fact, the concept is not about being a quitter at all. Do the work you were hired for and do it well, but stop it with all the extra shit you aren’t getting paid to do. The boss isn't moving you “up the ladder”, and you aren’t getting a raise. In fact, sounds like your job sucks balls, and is sucking the life out of you. Do what your job description lays out, save your extra bit of brain power for your personal life. And if you are looking for a pat on the head, ask a friend; I am sure they will sing your praises.

Dear Alice,

I know this woman who came out to her parents as bi-sexual. She was in her 40's at the time. Then she started dating a dude, she always dates dudes. I think about her all the time, I think about how annoyed I am by her. Am I wrong?

Dear Am I Wrong,

Two things might be going on here. 1) You didn’t like this person to begin with. 2) You have too much time on your hands. Maybe she is an attention seeker. Maybe she found an opening to educate her family. Who cares!?!?

Dear Alice,

After my husband died I discovered that he had many affairs, some with my friends (some friends!). Anyway, I had one friend my husband always liked but at some point she stopped talking to me and now I wonder if it was because she slept with him. It's been several years since he died, would it be odd if I called her and asked her if she did have an affair with him? I would love to know.

Signed, curiosity killed the cat.

Dear Curiosity Killed the Cat,

I am not so sure this woman would be forthcoming with you, especially since your call will be coming out of the blue after a long period of estrangement. You may have to play a longer con, touch base and see if she is receptive to rekindling your friendship. This may be exhausting for you, unless you actually miss her. Do you have any mutual friends who can do some recon for you?

It’s also possible that your unscrupulous husband hit on this friend and she decided to take a step back from both of you. Figure out why you want to know, would this knowledge help you heal in some way? Consider the frustration of not being able to kill your dead husband, or at the very least, yell at him - and proceed from there. And if you do end up contacting your erstwhile friend, write us back and tell us how it went!!!!

August
03rd - 09th

Dear Alice,

I am 7 months pregnant and have a radicalized mother-in-law who refuses to get vaccinated (TDAP) to help keep my baby safe from whooping cough and a few other diseases for the first few months of his life. How can my husband and I hold firm to this boundary while continuing to maintain a good relationship with this woman.

Signed It’s Hot out There.

Dear It’s Hot out There,

Hmmmm. I want to say something awful about this mother-in-law of yours, but upon further reflection I think everyone has the right to their own anxieties, distrusts, belief systems - what have you. You say she is radicalized, but by whom exactly? Is she scared of an allergic reaction? Alien implantations? Newborns? All valid fears. Let her know you respect her choice, and make plans to have her come for a visit in a few months, or whenever YOU and your husband are comfortable with your baby meeting the unvaccinated world. If that’s not for another 18 years, hopefully SHE will have the same respect for your boundaries as you did hers.

Dear Alice,

I hate my BFF’s husband, he sucks, not even sure I need to tell you the details. He just sucks. I hate him. She isn’t happy, they have a kid together. I want to support my BFF the best I can, but really I want him to die. What’s my next step?

Signed This Girl is Full of Hate.

Dear This Girl is Full of Hate,

I hear you sister. They may end up staying together, so remaining neutral might be in your best interest. Limit your time with him. If she complains incessantly about him set some boundaries. If she doesn’t take steps to leave him you may also find her less attractive and naturally start distancing yourself from her as well. Kids typically do better with two happily divorced parents than unhappily married parents. Forget the “in your best interest” part from above and go full throttle - show her some studies about the happiness of kids who are raised by separated parents. Rat him out about every horrible thing you have ever seen him do, tell her he is vile……DO IT.

Hello

I am hoping that you can help me. Find information and photos of my grandparents Mary. And James Amodeo and their restaurant Mary's place.
James. Passes. In 1975
Mary passed in 1986

The restaurant, Mary's Place was in Pine Hill, NY
Thank you

Click Me

Dear Seeking My Grandparents

Well, you sent me down a very good Pine Hill rabbit hole.

I found your grandmother Mary Amodeo in the October 7, 1976 edition of the Catskill Mountain News — along with an actual notice for Mary’s Place.

Mary wrote that “my restaurant” would be closed on October 9th “in memory of my dear late husband, James Amodeo,” and would reopen the following day for the Columbus Day holiday. The notice lists:

MARY’S PLACE — 254-4252 — PINE HILL, N.Y.

So we can officially confirm that Mary owned or operated Mary’s Place, and that the restaurant was still open in 1976.

You can see the original newspaper page right here.

Now I’m turning this over to the Pine Hill detectives. Does anyone remember Mary’s Place? Have a photograph, menu, postcard, address, story, or memory of Mary and James?

Send it to Alice! If we uncover more, we’ll share the next chapter in next week’s issue.

Consider this our first official Pine Hill treasure hunt.

July / August
27th - 02nd

Dear Alice,

Do you think it’s ok to sell family heirlooms? As in jewelry? I inherited something I will never wear, I have no kids, and I am health aide for work so I’m barely able to pay rent. I do have a nephew, but he probably doesn’t want the ring either and I don’t like my ex-sister in law. What should I do?
Signed, to sell or not to sell

Dear to Sell or Not to Sell,

Don’t worry - nobody needs to give anything to a dreaded EX sister-in-law. I do think you can sell family heirlooms. They were passed down to you not as a burden but as a gift. And since it is something you will never wear, absolutely sell it. If it is worth a sizable amount of money, have a plan. Invest a portion for your future so the inheritance can be a gift that keeps on giving. If it is not worth much, trade it for something you would wear and enjoy.

Dear Alice,

When Trump got elected for the second time I stopped recycling. I lost my will to care about the world knowing large corporations were killing wolf pups and building pipe lines and destroying the planet in ways my Spindrift soda can was not. Do I need to care or can I take this term off and care again later?

Dear Who Cares,

I think you should start caring again sooner than later. The planet needs you now, more than ever. Aluminum recycling is highly efficient. Spindrift is rated as an eco-friendly company, so you are already half way there. Don’t let Trump win by bailing on your core values, that’s exactly what his administration wants you to do.

Dear Alice,

I have a friend who needs constant attention when she comes to visit...everything seems to revolve around her: "Can I borrow your yoga mat?”, "I need you to buy more milk for my coffee”, "I need to walk two miles in the middle of the day each day". I love my friend, but her needs seem to impinge upon my time to the extent that I'm constantly interrupted. How do I still have her come visit but keep my sanity without insulting her?

Dear Friend,

Set some boundaries before she visits. Ask her to send a list of items she would like in the fridge before she arrives and let her know in that same conversation that there is a grocery store she can walk to, to pick up any extra stuff. Give her your schedule in advance. And for god’s sake, cap the visit to two days max!

Dear Alice

.
Where is the swimming hole in Phoenicia??

Dear Once you find it, PLEASE keep it to yourself,

I once was on the volunteer cleaning crew of a “secret” swimming hole that had been leaked to a NYC newspaper. It was the second most disgusting experience of my life. As Benjamin Franklin once said, “Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead”.