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About Alice
July
6th - 12th
Dear Alice,
I work closely with someone who is very good at her job. Yet at the same time she is extremely annoying. She talks incessantly, has a habit of twirling her hair constantly, is desperate for praise and worst of all, her eye brow arc is in the wrong place! How can I appreciate the good work she does and stop being such a bitch about her personality?
Dear Co-Worker,
Sounds like you already appreciate the good work she is doing, so that’s settled. You may have to dig deep for the next ask. Is she a threat to you in any way? Are some of her traits similar to ones you secretly dislike about yourself? I mean, I am NOT suggesting YOU have a misplaced eyebrow, but maybe that wouldn’t be so bothersome if you didn’t unconsciously find her mirroring some of your own flaws. BUT, being desperate for praise is a universally annoying trait, and once someone becomes annoying it’s not hard to find everything about them annoying, even the fact that they are good at their job. Take some pity on her and when she asks for praise try to shift her focus on internal validation, you may actually help to cure this insecure pest!
Dear Alice,
I go out of my way to rescue stray dogs. Yet I step over homeless people without a care. Why is this?
Dear Without a Care,
My bet is you have had a rough go at receiving emotional support from humans. Dogs don’t ask for anything in return for their love. Homeless people are on the opposite side of the unconditional love spectrum, since they need almost everything you could have to offer. There are plenty of people who will stop to help the humans in need, so keep saving the pups guilt free - the world desperately needs your kind of kindness and we thank you.
Dear Alice,
My sister is a burning hot dumpster fire mess. Addicted, unhoused, unemployed, lies constantly, and can be super mean and verbally abusive to our parents. She is a grown woman with a teenager and a master’s degree, btw. The same parents that she abuses on a semiregular basis, bail her out of literally everything. They’ve spent thousands and thousands and thousands of dollars on her, which she does not appreciate and has no trouble asking for more-time and again. They’ve bailed her out of jail, have been paying for her car payments, storage space, paid to get her car out of repo, and paid for a lawyer to get a divorce…to name but a few instances. She is super happy to take the money, and then she will abuse them yet again! We have tried everything to help her addiction but she won’t listen. I try really hard not to be resentful of the amount of time, effort, resources, and energy my parents spend on this futile situation, but sometimes I cannot help myself. I feel like I’m being petty, but the amount of resources and effort they throw my way is microscopic in comparison. I guess I wouldn’t be so upset if she made some kind of attempt to get well and stop the cycle, but she does not do that. Am I a terrible and petty person? I try and be compassionate, but sometimes it just bugs the shit out of me. help! Signed, “try not to forget my birthday this year”
Dear Forgotten,
Your sister seems to have some sort of personality disorder. She is self medicating and probably has a grandiose sense of self, convincing herself she deserves the handouts - payback for the “terrible" childhood your parents inflicted upon her. She is toxic, and for now, giving yourself a bit of distance might be your best bet. As far as your parents are concerned, I would have a frank conversation with them. Focus on you not your sister. She is their child and they will do everything they can to see her not fail, that’s just the nature of parenthood. Tell them that the unequal financial support is causing you emotional pain. Your parents may not see it that way, they may be thinking even though the support isn’t equal it’s fair, in their eye’s your sister’s needs are greater than yours. Although you understand that their support of your sister has more to do with their guilt about how she has turned out rather than a show of love, explain to them that you are feeling resentful and you’d like to discuss ways to rectify the situation.
If they are open to it maybe sit down with a mediator or estate planner AND MAKE SURE YOUR sister is NOT invited to this meeting.
June / July
29th - 5th
Dear Alice,
My mother-in-law to be just showed me the dress she picked for my wedding. To my horror it’s a champagne colored sequin fishtail gown. It’s a casual country wedding in a barn! She looks like the bride. How do I ask her to tone down the dress?
-Sartorially Savvy Lady
Dear Sartorially Savvy,
May I start by saying “Sartorial” is the BEST WORD EVER!
Ahhh, Mother-in-Laws, where do we begin. Let’s skip a conversation about the sequins and tell your mother-in-law you would like to spend the day with her to do some pre-wedding shopping, and that you would like to be part of selecting the “Mother of the Groom (or other Bride?)” dress. Frame it in a positive way. If there is any pushback on her not wearing the champagne sequined gown tell her she can join you at the Mermaid Parade after-parties next year and she will get to wear it then.
Dear Alice,
A friend got married a few months ago. The wedding was family only and I wasn’t invited (which was totally fine and to be expected). A few weeks ago I received a photo of the happy couple with a request for wedding gifts- specifically money towards the honeymoon (which also was a few months ago). Is this proper wedding etiquette? I’m confused but want to do the right thing.
-Wondering Non-Guest
Dear Wondering,
Stop wondering, your friends are lame and tacky. It is 100% not proper wedding etiquette to ASK for a gift, period - invited or not. If you want to do the right thing you send them a congratulations note wishing them a healthy and happy life together. Now, that’s not what I would do. I would never speak to them again and talk shit about them until the day I die, but that’s me. You do you.
Dear Alice,
My grand-niece got married last year. I was unable to attend, but sent her a thoughtful (and quite expensive) gift from her registry. 10 months later I still haven’t received a thank you. Am I wrong to feel miffed?
- Great Aunt
Dear Auntie,
You feel how you feel, no right or wrong there. 10 months means you aren’t getting a thank you (standard these days is up to 3 months post-wedding). A few things could have happened. One, they never received the gift. Two, they sent you a thank you and it was lost in the mail. USPS and the like suck balls these days. Three, they are young and entitled and have no manners. At this point you should ask them if they received the gift. If you want to be tactful say, “just wanted to make sure you received the gift, I am cleaning up and came across the receipt.” If you want to be snarky…..well, I am sure you can figure out what to say…..
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