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The Catskills just got its very own advice column.
About Alice
June
8th-14th
Dear Alice,
My adult daughter (26) wants to use a room in my house to record her music. She doesn't live with me. It's really a closet and, if I'm honest, I wouldn't really care. But my wife, stepmother of daughter, says no way. She says that she should get her own space for recording something. I told my daughter she can't and now she's mad at me. What should I do?
Dear Feeling Guilty,
Firstly, I would like to applaud your wife for being direct about what she wants/needs and you for respecting her wishes. Does your daughter live next door and wants to pop over from time to time to use the closet/make shift recording studio? Or is she actually asking to move in under the guise of needing that closet for her music? It may be time to sit down with your daughter and find out what is really going on. Is she lonely? Is she having trouble where she lives? If not, maybe she just needs help finding a local recording studio rental, or suggest spending some father/daughter time to help her build out the closet in her own home. But I have a hunch this isn’t about the studio.
Dear Alice,
I recently donated thousands of vintage textile swatches to a local small business. I was happy to have other artists use the fabrics; I felt they were going to “a good home”. In exchange for this valuable donation, one of the partners promised me an antique item from his collection as a thank you. After an few attempts to politely request this item, he has not replied and has actually “ghosted” me. As we live in a small town rural area, I am unhappy with this disrespectful treatment, and regret my generosity. We know many people in common, and I cannot truthfully recommend them or their business. Do you have any advice on handling the situation?
Dear ghosted,
Some people have zero class and you just came across a couple of those people. They made a promise to you but due to their smarmy nature, they have decided not to follow through. Sadly, my advice to you is to let it go. But remember, letting go doesn’t mean you can’t tell everyone you know the story of this rotten “exchange” and as you know, news travels quickly in our small communities.
Dear Alice,
I have a friend that is always seeing the glass as half empty. I love this friend, but sometimes they are a real bummer. How can I say they can choose to be more positive and thus avoid exhausting me without seeming like a total toxic positivity queen? Signed, Glass Half Full
Dear Glass Half Full,
Glass half empty folks come from a place of fear. Without sugar coating life in general, maybe listen to your friend’s complaints and offer some other ways of looking at whatever situation is causing their anxiety. You could also try starting your hang session with a challenge “let’s both force ourselves to be super positive on this sunny day” and see what happens. You could also be very direct with them, “your negative thoughts are a buzz kill, is there something I can do to help you see things in a more positive light?”. And try to refrain from downplaying your own positive attitude for your friend’s benefit, there is nothing toxic about being joyful!
June
1st - 7th
Dear Alice,
My neighbor sets off fireworks for fun whenever he likes. I have expressed to him that it is very unnerving to me and my dog. I have asked him to be more considerate but he refuses to stop. What do I do?
Dear Unnerved,
If you had said once a year for 4th of July your dogs are unnerved by the scary sounds, I would have said book a hotel for you and the pup in some other country over the holiday. But setting off fireworks at random times throughout the year is unacceptable, especially since you have asked him multiple times to be considerate. He may actually be hoping for a visit from you, and setting them off when he feels lonely. I’m not recommending you go over there again, but a visit from local law enforcement might just be the visitor he needs to stop this behavior. You could also call town hall and ask about noise ordinances and the legality of fireworks/firecrackers, the issue with taking this route is the person answering the phone may be one of your neighbor’s overly protective cousins.
Dear Alice,
I've turned 50 and realize that I hate everybody. I have no friends and when I see my old friends, I always regret it. It's not like I'm miserable. And I'm not a crotchety old man. Should I just go on like this, or should I try to make new friends?
Dear Only a Little Crotchety,
There is a saying, if you meet more than one asshole a day, you are probably the asshole. I am guessing you don’t actually hate everyone, since the prospect of making new friends is still on the table. I agree that repeating regrettable experiences isn’t a healthy pattern, so moving on from people who no longer spark joy is absolutely acceptable. But try to not be an asshole and go make some new friends.
Dear Alice,
I’ve recently lost 20 lbs and wondering if I should save my “fat” clothes for when I inevitably gain the weight back?
Dear Thinner,
Well, you aren’t a hoarder since you are asking the question. And by the same reasoning, you probably aren’t an environmentalist. You are a practical person, who is torn between never again wanting to see the clothes of heavier days and not wanting to regret tossing some hard earned treasures that you may once again get to enjoy. Let’s toss all the ill-fitting fast fashion you may have accumulated, and keep a few classics. Revisit your wardrobe every several months; fashions change, bodies change, personal tastes change. Oh, and invest in a sewing machine, you can try to alter items to the point that they become ruined, then you may feel less guilty about tossing them.
We can’t wait to hear from you!
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Submissions may be edited for length and clarity; not all entries will be published.
