Dear Alice,
My husband of 26 years is a contractor. We have a lovely home, but we need an addition to accommodate our growing family (grandkids!). Of course my husband would do a fantastic job building the new space but he just isn’t doing it. I had a friend draw up plans, and I am happy to help pull permits but what do I do next? I have been told by my husband that hiring someone else to do the work it is out of the question. What I need from you is advice on how I can move this project along without causing marital issues.
Signed, Not so patient in the Catskills
Dear Not so patient,
It’s not clear to me if the grandkids exist yet or if you are planning ahead. If there are in fact children in the family, perhaps having everyone come visit at the same time could convince your husband that more space is in fact needed, and as soon as possible! You could also compromise, maybe agree to hire someone to do the excavation and exterior, your husband will then see a started project, and can step in to do the framing and sheetrock. Of course, you will need to hire someone to do the finish work because from my experience husbands who are contractors usually stop at the 80% completion point and call it a day. He may actually like this plan because he can still say he built the addition and it will get done without cutting into too much of his spare time.
Dear Alice,
My neighbor feeds the bears. He feeds ALL the wildlife. He knows it’s not good for the people or the animals. He knows that bears that are too comfortable around humans may be killed by wildlife officers. He knows I am not happy with him, but I know he has a temper and a gun, what are my next steps?
Signed, Don’t want to get shot
Dear Don’t want to get shot,
You have a few options here. You could cover yourself with apple pie and lay out in the yard and hopefully get mauled by the bear. This would surely teach your neighbor a lesson and he would probably stop feeding the animals. If this doesn’t appeal to you, you could send an anonymous letter to the authorities with your complaint. Be sure to sign it “the whole town”, make sure to type (not hand-write) the letter and wear gloves when handling, and be sure not to leave your saliva on the envelope. I do think it’s important for this neighbor to be educated by a DEC Officer, we have to give him the benefit of the doubt. I’m guessing he “knows” the rules but doesn’t really understand why the rules are in place. Some people just aren’t that sharp and stuff.
Dear Alice,
My friends come over for dinner parties. The women are all very social and fun to be around. Their male partners often sit at the dinner table on their phones during dinner. I have a no-phones policy at the dinner table but it’s hard to remind a grown man to stay off his phone, and it’s not my job to police them. Or is it? Am I the one with the issue?
Signed, Get off your fucking phone, DUDE
Dear Get off your fucking phone,
Did I hear you say, "Girl’s Night”? But I get it, sometimes the dudes get to join. But they aren’t really joining, are they? They are useful though, they can carry things like bottles of wine, drive home on pitch black nights in crap weather, and things of that nature. Perhaps the guys aren’t feeling that engaged at the dinner table, now I am not blaming the victim here, but just trying to wrap my head around why they would schlep to someone’s home only to bury their faces in their phones. You ask if it’s you who has the issue. And my answer is yes. You are the one who doesn’t like this particular behavior, YOU. The dude on the phone is probably very content so it’s safe to say he isn’t the one with the issue. Learn how to accept their behavior or don’t invite them to your house for dinner anymore.
